When Grace cuts her hair...

I found a chunck of hair half way under the couch the other night and went straight to Grace to question her. Sure enough, she confessed. It was a good chunck, and I could have left it alone, but decided to cut it short and try to blend it in a little. She has such wild hair anyway, so no matter what we do, it always looks a little crazy (except for braids and pony's which are super duper short right now!)I thought she could use a haircut and hopefully it will be ok.

Our amazing Tristin...

It is wonderful to watch the kids grow up and turn into their own little people. Tristin loves to invent things- here's the proof:

Sunday morning I was getting ready for church when I heard the kids totally excited about something. I looked out the door and found thatTristin had made a zipline from the hall closet to the front door and was sliding a silver star all the way down it! It was actually quite amazing!


Last week he wanted to "invent" something- so the next thing I knew, he was out in the recycling bin, then in his room and then creating a marble drop! Hopefully his brillance will make him some money one day!

I just love my little man. He is growing up so much and finding his place in this world. He is such a wonderful brother and helper most of the time. He ADORES reading right now and nothing gladdens my heart more then to walk in his room and see him with his nose in a book! It's delightful.

Daisy goes to a party...

Remind me to never go to Pojo's on a Saturday night ever again! Crazy! It was full of people and I was going a bit nuts, but the kids had fun. Daisy was invited to a friend's birthday party so we let the kids have a few tokens and they had a blast for 2 hours!

*** Nursing Post- Beware...

Just a little reminder that my blog has turned into my personal journal, so I write things down purely for me to refrence back to in a few months when I have completely forgoten! I realize that no one reading cares or even wants to read about me nursing, but I'm writing it down for me. With that being said, I am almost 100% done nursing!!! Like I've posted 100 times before, I have NEVER had this problem, I normally have the tiniest milk supply so I've never gone this long in all my life! I was just happy to nurse my babies for a few months!
I knew it was time to be done, which we were close to anyway- she was only eating twice a day- at nap time & bedtime, but boy did she want her milk! It was a huge struggle the first week but we survived! I went an entire week without nursing, but then felt like I had a clogged duct on one side, so we had to take care of that. A few days later- the same thing on the opposite side, same story. It had been close to 2 weeks on that side so I was proud of myself. I didn't know if I had to suffer through it or just let her drink to relieve it. I knew I was almost on "empty" anyway, so I didn't stress about it, I just felt bad for confusing the poor girl! Anyway- I think we are almost done. It's been 2 weeks and she's only "taken the edge off" twice, so does that count??? I say so.

*** Sorry for that, I just had to document it. I never intended other people to read about my boring life, so if you do, you'll have to skip most of my posts or just deal with my ramblings!

I'm trying...

I have REALLY been trying this past week to get better in the kitchen- making "real" dinner that is. I have made dinner for the past week using ALL NEW RECIPES!! I know, I can't believe it either! And better yet, I've survived! I've been praying like crazy to have the desire and to begin to enjoy it and so far it's been alright. I even tried a recipe that one of my favorite checkers at Albertson's gave me, that same night!
So, with that being said, I failed horribly with these potatoes. I know, they look like death, but I tried. I even stopped myself twice at the store when I was tempted to just buy the frozen hasbrowns even though I had a bag of potatoes at home. If you can believe it- I resisted, and tried to make them myself with my slicer thing- but they did not turn out- so, from now on, I will be buying frozen hashbrowns!

Hesitant...

I have been hesitant to write my goals out because honestly, I don't want there to be another thing on my list that I feel like I have to do or accomplish. I am so tired and worn out right now and just the thought of thinking about my goals exhausted me more than I can express. The truth is, I'm setting goals 100 times a day, writing them down and then am frantically trying to get them all done in 5 minutes. I'm awake at 4:45 AM almost every morning and I'm already tackling everything for the day. The laundry is going, the shower is done, the house is picked up, my blog is updated, my bags are by the door, dinner is planned, my list is out and when I look at the clock it's only 6:20AM.
My wish is that I could learn how to slow down a little. To stop feeling like I have failed if it isn't all done by the time the kids wake up. I wish I wouldn't pack so much in in a day, because the truth is- I don't feel that much different if I do get it all done. Sure, there is a satisfied high that lasts a few seconds- but that amazing feeling I'm trying to acheive never comes. It never comes because that isn't the reward. The peace I'm trying to acheive doesn't come from getting it all done- it comes from being close to Heavenly Father so I can feel his love and feel that peace. No wonder I don't feel it. I haven't sat down long enough to do anything, let alone to feel his love for me. I just keep doing,going, accomplishing, running and staying busy that I don't make time for him in my life. I push him away because I'm so angry at myself, so disappointed and so frustrated that I'm not further along in my recovery- that I don't feel I'm deserving of his presence, or his love, or his peace. I just never feel like I'm enough.
There is something in me that won't stop pushing, won't stop nagging and I am so disappointed with myself because I continue to feel I have something to prove- and it's just to myself. In my head I think that if I get it all done, then I'm ok. That it will cancel everything out and I will magacially feel better inside. I keep thinking that I will be enough then. It's no wonder that I don't make my bed very often- my goal is just to climb back in as early as possible. I am sad that I still haven't learned that my self worth shouldn't be wrapped around what I accomplish in a day- but for 100 million reasons, it is. I can't keep up with myself anymore. I can't win, and I know it- so why can't I stop?
I know that part of it is just life. We all feel it as women, as mother's and as wives- and that is ok. I accept that part. I wanted that part my entire life. I dreamed of children, a house, laudry, and dihes. It's the other part that has been so damaging that I wish I could free myself from.
So, for my goals this year, I went pretty easy: #1- to cook # 2- to slow down my pace. # 3- make my bed every morning because I can't sleep it away # 4- to play with my babies more # 5- to make Trav and his needs a priority # 6- to take care of myself.# 7- to stop setting so many goals.
Each and everyone of us are worthy of his love.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

When Trav got a 2nd computer for the kids a few months ago, I thought it was excessive, to say the least. (Granted he got it from a friend for $ 20.00, so I was happy it didn't break the bank!) Everyone was already obsessed and on the computer WAY too much, so adding another one did not delight me... until I realized how I could benifit from it. It meant that I didn't have to share my computer as much and there would be less whinning and complaining when I actually wanted to be on for a few minutes- but my most favorite part in the entire world meant that: WE COULD GET ANOTHER PRINTER FOR MY COUPONS!!!! I could print 4 of each one now and I wouldn't have to drive over to my Father-in-laws house and spend an hour trying to print 2 coupons on his SUPER OLD one! It was horribly frustrating. (The cool part is that he got a new one for Christmas which prints in seconds and Ellen has her computer over there too which prints. So 4 sets for me!Yeah!!!!!!)
Anyway, we went to Walmart and picked up the cheap $29.00 printer and that night I ran back to Albertson's to grab more FREE food for the 100th time with my coupons from my new printer! I love my birthday present!!!

Crazy smiles...

Did anyone else get a TON of oranges from Winco's Grand Opening? Well we did, so we've been eating them like crazy! Here we are with our silly smiles. Amazing what makes kids happy!

Our 1st fire of the Winter...

Silly to blog about I know, but the other night we had our first fire this year. We were hesitant because Willow is still so little and we were sure she would try to climb in, but it turned out fine. The kids loved crumpling up all the newspaper and watching it burn. It felt so nice to sit by it eeven if it only lasted 20 minutes. Good try kids!

It has begun.

Tristin has received the "Gator Award" at school several times each year and part of the reward was picking 2 people to come to school and eat lunch with him. The girls and I always packed our lunches and skipped off to school so excited to be with him... until yesterday.

I guess I was wrong in assuming we would be the 'chosen ones." because when I dropped him off yesterday morning- I said, "I'll see you at lunch time." And then came the sad, sad words... "Oh Mom, I picked Liam & Ms Hansen instead."

All of a sudden my heart broke and I said, "But Tristin, we've been talking about it all week, you never mentioned that you wanted other people. Grace will be sad too, I've been planning on it all week."
He said, "Mom, are you mad at me?" and in my hurt voice I said, "No, I'm not mad, my feelings are just hurt."
All of a sudden, Jenny McCarthy's voice came into my mind from the previous day on Oprah when she was talking about women being manipulative, and it hit me- I was trying to get my way and it was really about what Tristin wanted! Stop it Emily!!!
I swallowed my pride and said, "Buddy, who do you want at the table?" and he said" Liam & Ms Hansen." And I said "Ok, have a good day. I love you."

Although I drove away in tears, I realized that it was about what he wanted, it was his choice and I had to realize that for the rest of our lives, this was going to happen.
He apoligized when he came home and we talked about it for a few minutes. I told him, "Lets just agree to talk about things next time so we both know what to expect, I'm not mad at all, I'm glad you had a fun lunch." He then said, "I'll invite you next time Mom."
I joked to Trav that I'm not the cool Mom anymore, but putting that aside, I love to see him make choices and stick to his guns when he wants something. Looking back it was great to see him standing up for his decision even when he thought it would hurt my feelings. It was just a neat moment that seriously made me cry.