Saturday, November 8, 2008

It isn't about me...

I've been thinking a lot these days about how amazing time is.
When I was younger, I would watch things pass by and think to myself, I'm never going to have that second back, or that exact moment back either. I was always fasinated by time... how it was always moving, never stopping, how we wished it away, wished for more of it, how we were constantly fighting it, and becoming impatient by it.
Time has always mended the broken heart, given relief after the pain, and been something we all wish would hurry up.
What I am learning is... I will never get this second back. I will never have this moment back either, so I need to enjoy it. I need to read the long stories, I need to finish the entire game of Shutes & ladders without thinking about the laundry, and I need to remember that changing into a 5th princess dress and needing help again with the velcro, really is the most important thing in someone's tiny world. I just need to slow down.
What am I in such a hurry for? Really? I need to stop watching the clock, waiting for time to speed up, because when I think about it, it already is. I'm almost 29. I've been married 8 1/2 years and I have 3 beautiful babies with a tiny alien baby growing already! Time is moving... am enjoying the ride or too busy with the unimportant? I know my answer. I need to be content with where I'm at. I need to accept where I am in my life. I need to appreicate how far I've come when I begin to criticize myself. I am okay right where I am. One day, I'll be wishing I had this back. Wishing, I had the smeared toothpaste and the crumbs overflowing from the car and the never ending laundry & dishes. I need to appriciate the slobbery kisses and the sticky hugs more. I need to bring the Play Doe out, even if I hate the mess, because it isn't about me. It's about 3 little kids who want to make green and pink snakes and use silly cookie cutters to make fun shapes, and roll the messy stuff into balls and make snowmen. It isn't about me. One day I will look back and ask myself, was it really worth it? Was the clean house worth the time you lost? Was it fair to anyone? And why did it matter so much anyway? Today, I will try to embrace it... because, I will never have this moment back.