Monday, December 15, 2008

A great visit with G-ma & G-pa...

Every time I find out Mom is coming for a visit, it feels like the next few weeks just freeze, and nothing else seems to matter. It's all I can think about, it's all I what, and it's all consuming. Just the thought of hugging her again, or sitting on the couch talking, or playing dark adventures, is all my heart wants. I just want my Mama every second because she's my world and I miss her more than I've ever missed anything/anyone in my entire life. She is my best friend and I would be lost without her. Thank you Mom for coming... I love you!
G-pa Brent & Tristin at breakfast...



Three of my favorite people in the world! Tristin, G-ma & Daisy at breakfast...

Thank you for a wonderful trip G-ma & G-pa!!!

Daisy & "Petse" (Thank you G-pa Brent for the 4 foot tiger!)
A VERY rare sight! Two men cleaning the kitchen!!!


Here they are making ginger bread cookies!



Here are the wonderful houses with roofs falling off and walls caving in!


Grace was putting tape on G-pa's lips (probably a good idea) and here he is putting it on her foot.



G-ma & G-pa come for a visit!!!

My mother is going to kill me for posting this picture of her and "Petse", but, oh well, Mama!
My step Dad, Brent, is probably the funniest/silliest person I know, so when ever he is around, you can expect: ripped money, tons of jokes, kids running around following his intense work out schedule, and LOTs & LOTs of laughter. He is amazing and I love him.

Here's Grace licking the frosting off the floor!



The finished gingerbread houses!


My Mom and step dad have been planning a trip out here for a few weeks, so when they told me they were coming, the kids and I instantly started planning the magical events! # 1 was the gingerbread house making. Here they are at about 8:40 in the morning working on their houses! And there is Grace preparing for a wonderful sugar high!



Thursday, December 11, 2008

Daisy with curly hair...



Daisy wanted curly hair like mine today, so we had to get a few pictures...
I love this little girl more than the world...

Best friends get a girl through...


This past month has been really difficult for me. Of course, I put my happy face on seconds later, kept up on laundry, ran the errands, went to work, made dinner, cleaned house, took care of kids and pretended life was okay, but inside I wasn't. I just fell apart and didn't know how to get back to where I had been. Thanks to MarDene, I've learned to sit with the uncomfortable when it appears out of nowhere. So, in the moments that my heart hurt so much, I just let it out. I cried in the shower or in bed when no one was around, I wrote about how much it hurt to lose, I talked about it when I needed to and I prayed like crazy. Being me, I naturally pushed God away for awhile, but then begged him to return and let me know what it was I was supposed to learn, because I wanted to learn it and move on. I didn't want the sadness to hang over me like it was. I didn't want the constant reminder of what I no longer had. I just didn't know where to put it. It isn't tangible so I've struggled with it. It's an invisable loss that feels like I shouldn't have been so sad to lose, but I was and I am, and that's just how I feel. I wanted that baby. I know soon enough things will work out and I'll be complaining about morning sickness for 5 months, but for now, I just feel completely empty.You never know how you'll react to something until it happens, but what I've learned is that things are so much easier when you have Heavenly Father, family & girlfriends to pull you through it. I have been amazed at the love and concern everyone has shown, and I thank you beyond words. Thank you for the meals, the flowers, the cards, the "save Emily" dates, trips to Target, phone calls, e mails, text messages and all your great advice. I have been blessed with the most extraordinary friends and family ever, and I love you all. (Sorry I don't have pictures of everyone, I just loved this one of Chelsea, Andrea & me) I'm so thankful for what I do have, for everyone who have loved me every second and listened everytime my heart ached and the tears just wouldn't stop. Thank you for pulling me through...