Thursday, January 31, 2013
To me, every day feels like a juggling act. It's hard to be a woman, a mom, a wife, and a friend sometimes. I often feel like I'm failing and never enough. It's difficult to manage kids, the house, the errands, the husband, church responsibilites, after school activities, service projects, the laundry, meals and just finding time to relax for 3 seconds. It's not always so easy. Last week when I was up to my eye balls in pantry stuff, Grace came over and asked, "Mommy, do you want to play cards with me?" My first thought was: why won't everyone just leave me alone so I can clean up this war zone??? But instead, I dropped everything and said, "You bet!" We played 2 rounds of Uno and it was great. Later I was working again on the danger zone when Willow came up to me and said, "Mommy, do you want to play with me?" This time I thanked the Lord for my changed attitude and thanked him that I had kids who ACTUALLY wanted to be around me!In all the busy-ness, I stopped and reflected on my childhood. I wanted to be near my Mama every single second of the day. If she was going to the grocery store- I hopped in the car just so I could be near her. If she was reading her book in the morning before work, I would sit on the couch and visit until she had to take her hair curlers out because I wanted to be near her. It was constant- I just wanted my Mom and I needed to feel loved. That's all my kids want from me and often I get to focused on just making it until bedtime when I can crash for the night. I really want to stop it though. I want to be more present, more focused, more intune, more eager to listen, more longing for time with them. I'm so tired of being tired but I don't know if that part will ever go away or if it's really supposed to. All I know is, I stopped myself the other day and played puzzles with Willow. I didn't wait for her to ask me to play- I asked her to play with me and when I saw those cute little legs running down the hall and pig tails swaying back in forth as she ran to get the puzzles, my heart ached. My sweet little babies are growing up and there will be a time when I am begging for their attention and pleading for their love. My new goal is to stop anytime I hear the words, "Mommy, do you want to play?" because in my heart, I really do.
Posted by Emily at 7:23 AM