A great visit with G-ma & G-pa...

Every time I find out Mom is coming for a visit, it feels like the next few weeks just freeze, and nothing else seems to matter. It's all I can think about, it's all I what, and it's all consuming. Just the thought of hugging her again, or sitting on the couch talking, or playing dark adventures, is all my heart wants. I just want my Mama every second because she's my world and I miss her more than I've ever missed anything/anyone in my entire life. She is my best friend and I would be lost without her. Thank you Mom for coming... I love you!

G-pa Brent & Tristin at breakfast...

Three of my favorite people in the world! Tristin, G-ma & Daisy at breakfast...

Thank you for a wonderful trip G-ma & G-pa!!!

Daisy & "Petse" (Thank you G-pa Brent for the 4 foot tiger!)

A VERY rare sight! Two men cleaning the kitchen!!!

Here they are making ginger bread cookies!

Here are the wonderful houses with roofs falling off and walls caving in!

Grace was putting tape on G-pa's lips (probably a good idea) and here he is putting it on her foot.

G-ma & G-pa come for a visit!!!

My mother is going to kill me for posting this picture of her and "Petse", but, oh well, Mama!

My step Dad, Brent, is probably the funniest/silliest person I know, so when ever he is around, you can expect: ripped money, tons of jokes, kids running around following his intense work out schedule, and LOTs & LOTs of laughter. He is amazing and I love him.

Here's Grace licking the frosting off the floor!

The finished gingerbread houses!

My Mom and step dad have been planning a trip out here for a few weeks, so when they told me they were coming, the kids and I instantly started planning the magical events! # 1 was the gingerbread house making. Here they are at about 8:40 in the morning working on their houses! And there is Grace preparing for a wonderful sugar high!

Daisy with curly hair...

Daisy wanted curly hair like mine today, so we had to get a few pictures...

I love this little girl more than the world...

Best friends get a girl through...

This past month has been really difficult for me. Of course, I put my happy face on seconds later, kept up on laundry, ran the errands, went to work, made dinner, cleaned house, took care of kids and pretended life was okay, but inside I wasn't. I just fell apart and didn't know how to get back to where I had been. Thanks to MarDene, I've learned to sit with the uncomfortable when it appears out of nowhere. So, in the moments that my heart hurt so much, I just let it out. I cried in the shower or in bed when no one was around, I wrote about how much it hurt to lose, I talked about it when I needed to and I prayed like crazy. Being me, I naturally pushed God away for awhile, but then begged him to return and let me know what it was I was supposed to learn, because I wanted to learn it and move on. I didn't want the sadness to hang over me like it was. I didn't want the constant reminder of what I no longer had. I just didn't know where to put it. It isn't tangible so I've struggled with it. It's an invisable loss that feels like I shouldn't have been so sad to lose, but I was and I am, and that's just how I feel. I wanted that baby. I know soon enough things will work out and I'll be complaining about morning sickness for 5 months, but for now, I just feel completely empty.You never know how you'll react to something until it happens, but what I've learned is that things are so much easier when you have Heavenly Father, family & girlfriends to pull you through it. I have been amazed at the love and concern everyone has shown, and I thank you beyond words. Thank you for the meals, the flowers, the cards, the "save Emily" dates, trips to Target, phone calls, e mails, text messages and all your great advice. I have been blessed with the most extraordinary friends and family ever, and I love you all. (Sorry I don't have pictures of everyone, I just loved this one of Chelsea, Andrea & me) I'm so thankful for what I do have, for everyone who have loved me every second and listened everytime my heart ached and the tears just wouldn't stop. Thank you for pulling me through...

This little one didn't make it...

Sometimes the things we want in life
are not ready to be ours...

We lost the baby.
November 14 2008

It isn't about me...

I've been thinking a lot these days about how amazing time is.
When I was younger, I would watch things pass by and think to myself, I'm never going to have that second back, or that exact moment back either. I was always fasinated by time... how it was always moving, never stopping, how we wished it away, wished for more of it, how we were constantly fighting it, and becoming impatient by it.
Time has always mended the broken heart, given relief after the pain, and been something we all wish would hurry up.
What I am learning is... I will never get this second back. I will never have this moment back either, so I need to enjoy it. I need to read the long stories, I need to finish the entire game of Shutes & ladders without thinking about the laundry, and I need to remember that changing into a 5th princess dress and needing help again with the velcro, really is the most important thing in someone's tiny world. I just need to slow down.
What am I in such a hurry for? Really? I need to stop watching the clock, waiting for time to speed up, because when I think about it, it already is. I'm almost 29. I've been married 8 1/2 years and I have 3 beautiful babies with a tiny alien baby growing already! Time is moving... am enjoying the ride or too busy with the unimportant? I know my answer. I need to be content with where I'm at. I need to accept where I am in my life. I need to appreicate how far I've come when I begin to criticize myself. I am okay right where I am. One day, I'll be wishing I had this back. Wishing, I had the smeared toothpaste and the crumbs overflowing from the car and the never ending laundry & dishes. I need to appriciate the slobbery kisses and the sticky hugs more. I need to bring the Play Doe out, even if I hate the mess, because it isn't about me. It's about 3 little kids who want to make green and pink snakes and use silly cookie cutters to make fun shapes, and roll the messy stuff into balls and make snowmen. It isn't about me. One day I will look back and ask myself, was it really worth it? Was the clean house worth the time you lost? Was it fair to anyone? And why did it matter so much anyway? Today, I will try to embrace it... because, I will never have this moment back.

Dizzy, lightheaded, exhausted, achy & 2 lines later...

I think I win "the -most- fertile- woman -on- the- planet award!"
(Last month I had my IUD removed, and got pregnant 2 weeks later!!)
I knew I wasn't going crazy, and I also knew I couldn't imagine all my early pregnancy symptoms! I've been feeling so "off" lately, incredibly achy, super dizzy/ lightheaded/ in a fog, horribly tired and just the start of feeling yucky. Yesterday was the first day I thought I was going to throw up, but God granted me a little while longer until that awfulness begins...
We were trying last month, so we were hoping for this news, I'm just a little shocked because there is actually 2 lines on the test!
Yes it is early, but anyone reading this is family and/or friends so you were going to find out soon anyway! I know the dangers of telling people too early incase the dreaded "M" word happens, but I am horrible at keeping pregnancy secrets (as some of you probably won't see me for months due to voilent vomiting!) I figure, if anything goes wrong, as least I will have those close to me to help pull me up. If all goes well, we will have a July baby!

Here's an upclose...

A little frightening, I know, but she was out like a light and perched so nicely on top of the couch!
I love this girl!

Miss Daisy fast asleep...

The other weekend when I came home from the craft show, this is what I saw when I came in: Daisy fast asleep on top of the couch! this girl falls asleep EVERYWHERE!!! It was pretty cute...

Happy Halloween!

This year was really exciting for the kids, especially Grace! It is so fun when they actually figure out they are recieving candy!!! She was in Heaven as she went door to door (We did go to our wards trunk or treat, but then we had to stop and see G-ma Edith & G-pa Max) Grace was literally running to every door! It was the cutiest/funniest thing I've seen her do in a long time!
So fun! Tristin was Buzz Lightyear, Daisy was a pink flamingo (which she told about 10 random strangers every time we went to run errands) and Grace was a bumble bee. It was a really fun night and so warm! It was a nice change from the previous years.

Buzz lightyear...

Tristin owns SO many costumes, so I told him I would not be buying a new one for Halloween this year (mean, I know.) So, he choose his Buzz Lightyear costume. The poor kid was actually sweating by the time the night was over (very rare, since we usually end trick or treating early because it is so cold) He had a great time!

What I am grateful for...

I just got off the phone with my Mom a few minutes ago and we were talking about some of the trials that are swirling around in the family. We started talking about how incredibly blessed we are, and how spoiled. We have so much in this life and we forget it, almost instantly. We become aware of things, mostly when they stop working and we are stuck washing the dishes by hand, or left for a day without internet access. We are blessed more than we can comprehend...
Today I am thankful for:

My incredibly comfortable bed that I woke up in.
My husband leaving for work, because it meant he still had a job!
Snuggling with Tristin and talking before the the girls woke up and the day got started.
Public schools & 1st grade teachers.
My yellow VW bug that is still running!
A closet full of clothes.
A princess named Daisy (who loves to change dresses every 30 minutes.)
My little monkey, Grace, who loves to give kisses.
Clorex wipes.
Making Birthday cakes just to see how excited the kids get to help.
Computers & telephones.
My family.
My new saw!

Happy birthday Papa!

Today my wonderful husband turned 31! How did we get this old?...( we ask ourselves frequently, especially on the nights we find ourselves in bed by 9:00 PM!!)
Well, how ever it happened, it did...so the girls and I are making his cake right now and I couldn't resist taking a few pictures of them licking the cake batter...

Bath time is so much fun...

Grace was so cute the other night. She couldn't believe her hair when I held her up to the mirror. There's nothing better than a bath time mohawk!

A sucessful craft show!!!

Yeah! today was so much fun! I didn't know what to expect going into it, so I didn't have high hopes, but it turned out to be great! It was a lot of fun and I made a few dollars too! thank you SOOO much dear Andrea for watching my babies for 8 hours today, I couldn't have done it without you!!! And thank you so much Christine for all your help setting up/taking down and for keeping me company, you're the best! Christy, Gabe still makes me laugh over the whole table insident, and thank you for keeping me company for a few hours too, I love you!
Thank you dear friends who came out and supported me. Chelsea, Annikan, Amber, Jana, THANK YOU!! You guys are the best! It was a lot of fun!!!

Recipe blocks...

Here's another sample of what will be at the show!

Canning up date...

Like you all know, this was my first year canning, and I FELL IN LOVE! It was so much fun. I loved every part of it: going to the orchard to pick the fruit, canning with friends, canning by myself until midnight, teaching a class to the ladies at church- it was all great. Thank you Michelle & Tam for helping me get started!! I canned 400 jars this Summer and I can tell you I am actually very tired now. Over 100 jars were with/for other people, so I must admit, I have a pretty nice amount! It was really addictive, and I loved it (except for the mess in the kitchen)
This Summer I was able to do: corn, peaches, pears, applesause and then I still have onions and potatoes to work with! It was a great Summer, now I can't wait for next year!

If you get bored on Saturday...

I posted all the info about the craft show on the very last post except the time. It will be from 9:30 am-4:00 Pm. I hope it will be a success, if not, you know what you'll be getting for Christmas!!!

Cards...

pacifier clips...

Magnets...

Hair bows...

Light switch covers...

Dish towels, diaper holders & burp rags...

Valentine's day & friendship block...

...and the blocks

There is a varierty of holiday blocks to choose from: Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Valentines Day. There's also a friendship one.