Enduring our trials...

I have been so emotional lately. Hormonal probably. Depressed, stressed out, and incredibly anxious. Everyday I think, this can't be normal, the anxiety is insain, this cannot be right- and it probably isn't, but with everything swirrling around in my crazy brain, I do stop to thank my Heavenly Father for it all. There are so many lessons I'm learning, and several I'm too angry to look at, but I am trying. My desire is good, the intent of my heart is pure and my willingness is 150%, it just gets difficult to maintain life sometimes. The pressure, the expectations, the guilt, the utter exhaustion, the messes, the worry, the unknown, the sadness, the kids who are changing into hormonal creatures, The endless fear I have not done enough, the laundry, the panic sending my kids off to school, the fear I'm a inattentive wife, the lack of sympathy I have for people right now, the $ worries, the worry that I'm failing as a parent- and making dinner every night- gosh I hate it with a passion.I feel overwhelmed, I feel like I'm slipping right now, I feel crazy. As we sat with the Bishop at tithing settlement, I just cried. I looked like a silly woman with too many feelings- and I just cried. The Bishop and Trav gave me a blessing of peace and I cried even more. Why am I never enough? Why isn't what I do ever enough? It is so hard living with me sometimes.It is so uncomfortable. I know the Lord strengthens us through our trials, and I know apart of this life is to grow in all areas, and I know that I have lacked a lot spiritually, and trials do tend to get us on our knees. I know that He sees and knows me, and it could always be worse, but sometimes I just wonder why the same trial over and over? Can't we trade our afflictions? Can't we sell them on the street corner somewhere and get new ones? I know, I know, I wouldn't want others, I just wish I would hurry up and learn how to feel good inside so I could stop trying to over compensate in every area of my life just to feel peace.I'm tired of thinking- if I do more, then I will feel good inside. I need to trust the Lord and rely on my Savior. I need to relax and just let go. I need to keep finding the joy and hold onto it because I have an incredible life. I love my life. And I am incredibly thankful for it. I love my babies and my husband and the gospel. I'm just tired of me...

Happy Birthday Angie...

I don't think I could love this girl more if I tried. She is one of my best friends in the whole world and I am blessed every second I am around her. Ang is one of those people who loves and gives and serves and doesn't ask for much. She is kind, funny and incredibly thoughtful. It doesn't get much better. We have so many memories together and when I look back my favorites are out at the orchard swinging from apple trees, canning, helping each other at about a million birthday parties, and couponing at 6:00 AM. There are a 100 more, but those are the best.We had a great night last night talking just the 3 of us for hours. It is amazing how much better you feel after venting, sharing and uplifting each other for awhile! I love you guys and I am so grateful for the incredible women you are!

We got snow!

By Saturday morning we had a ton of snow! We took the kids out later that day to go sledding at our favorite hill. Willow and I giggled so much sledding together. The kids all did really well on the snowboards too! Roman was pretty miserable and cried almost the entire time so he got to go sit in the warm van with him. The wind was awful, so we only played for about 45 minutes.

Roman...

Roman loves his bouncy toy!

Christmas Cheer...

We pulled out all of our decorations over the weekend and the kids found a Santa & Reindeer hat. They were playing around the other day!

Digging around...

I was out in the shed the other day trying to locate some letters. On the bottom of a huge row of totes, I found one labeled "Childhood Stuff" that I knew I hadn't looked in for quite awhile. It was a trip down memory lane when I opened it. My old bank! A pillow I made with my Aunt who passed away 19 years ago! My old barbies with amazing outfits that my girls are now making fun of! My name tags from 6th grade! 2 of my sticker books (oh man, I loved stickers!)A shell heart shaped box that I got as a present from my friend Louisa(I'm pretty sure she gave it to me). My daycare name tag! WOW!!! And then I found a few letters from my Aunt Abby I had to take a picture of to show my Mom and cousin. Oh, how I wish she were still here. I know we would crafting away all night and talking for hours. Miss you Auntie! Oh, yeah, and Trav had a tote full of his childhood stuff. He spent a few hours yesterday going through his old memories. Its hard to believe we were young once!

Family Pictures...

This year when Dad gave me Christmas $, I actually did something other than stock up on diapers- I got family pictures done!It had been over 6 years since our last ones, and that's all I wanted for myself. Our friends from church took them for us and they turned out great, Some shots are better then others, some are totally silly, someone is usually looking in the wrong direction or not smiling, but I think we got several to work with! It's hard to get 7 people looking half way put together! ***MOm, let me know which ones you want, and I'll order prints for you!

I love my husband.

We love the movie Anchorman although it is naughty. We fell asleep watching it awhile ago, but took pictures of ourselves wearing our Anchorman shirts!

Waiting...

Man, it's hard to be patient, but we are patiently waiting to hear back about a job here in town with BlueCross! It would be a HUGE pay raise and it would be local, so we are praying Trav gets it. He had a phone interview and an in person interview last Thursday so we are hoping to know soon. They narrowed it down from 100 applicants. Trav was 1 of 5 being interviewed. He has a friend who works there so he's put in a good word for him too. Trav felt great about the interview last week. He came home and said. "Honey, I nailed it." Keep those fingers crossed!

Tristin my saver.

Tristin has had a bunch of yard work jobs lately and he's been making a bunch of money! He's saving for a tablet, not a 3DS like I thought. He can save. I am grateful for it too. It's hard to teach kids to be patient, save and work hard, but he's doing great! Way to go Buddy!