A heart breaking moment...

Tristin & I have been having a few problems lately about the computer and he has been restricted from it for a few days because every time I told him he couldn't play for the day- I would find him on it later, with the excuse, "Oh I forgot"! I know I am a strict Mother and I follow through with what I say, which isn't always fun, but I also know, and my kids know, how much I love them too.
Last night after a "moment", I was really frustrated and left the room. I was getting the girls ready for bed when I went back in for something. He was holding a picture of him and I to his chest and he said, "Mom, do I make your life a living (and then he pointed down as to refer to Hell). He started to cry and I said, "Oh buddy, of course not." The tears fell faster and I climbed up on the top bunk and scooped him up.
He cried for awhile and I was trying not to let him see mine as well. I made him look right into my eyes and I told him how much I loved him, how my life was better because he was in it, how he was my boy, how proud I was of him, how I knew I don't get all the explosions and weapon stuff, but that I loved everything about him. I told him I knew he had a wonderful heart which is why I expected a lot from him at times. We talked about choices and how I wanted him to be happy in life but how I did expect him to follow directions. I told him that I knew I got angry sometimes and that I needed to work on that, but that he could work on following directions too. I told him funny stories about when he was little and we were laughing by the end- but it broke my heart.
To think he thought he was making my life a living Hell, just hurt my heart. I just held him and rocked him until the tears were gone. He is my little man who I couldn't love more. I was reminded how soft my children are, how we all are really. I was reminded that while I need to continue to be loving and firm, I need to make sure I stop and hold him a little bit longer too.