Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I never knew...

I never knew what it felt like to have my heart crumble into a million pieces until I left for college and watched my Mom drive away on the slippery ice.
I never knew how her words, "Emmy, I just want you to be happy" would change and alter my my life so dramatically.
I never knew how lonely I would be until I didn't have her by my side each and every day.
I never knew how impossible it was going to be without her until I got married and never lived with her again.
I never realized how just her voice could calm me, until that's all I had left to cling to.
I never understood how much she had changed my life until I became a Mother myself.
I never realized what she sacraficed for me, until my own children were born.
I never knew your heart could actually ache so much it felt like it had crawled into your throat making it difficult to breath.
I never knew how much I depended on her until 3 days would pass without a phone call and I would begin to panic.
I never knew how impossible it was going to be to let her go, until I had to...

... I'm glad it hurts this much every time we say goodbye.
I love you Mama.

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