Cement...

This morning I was brought to tears after I recieved an answer to a question I had been asking God for most of my life...

The truth is, I've really been struggling lately. Amazing I know. I can fool the universe if I try- but honestly, really struggling.
It's no mystery, dealing with depression since I was 8, it's just apart of my world, Mom calls it a vally right now.
I feel lost, sad, broken, unsure, insecure, terribly alone, panicked, unworthy, unloved, invisable, unraveled, ignored & disconnected from so many things. In one of my late night crying sessions with Andrea, I balled my eyes out pleading: "Why do I always have to be the strong one? Why do I have to keep it together all the time? Why do I always have to be the one calling others? Checking to see if everyone is ok when I am falling apart every single second and noboday has a clue?"
My main question for God has always been: "Why do I have to be so strong? I was born a warrior- but trust me, I get tired. I am exhausted every single second of my life because I never stop fighting this battle...

So on the way back from dropping Grace off at preschool, Daisy asked, " Mom, why does cement have to be so strong? Not thinking at all, I blurted out," Because it has to be honey. That's it's job. Somethings were made to be strong, somethings were made to be weak or fragile. But cement has to be strong because it's job is to keep things together, to help things not fall apart. Imagine how the world would be without it, God knew what he was doing making cement strong."

...and then it hit me. I was no longer talking to my 5 year old daughter about cement, God was reminding me why I had to be strong. " It's how I made you Em. you keep things together. It's your job. You keep things from falling apart. Think how the world would be if I made you any other way..."

I drove home in tears because it isn't always easy being the cement...