Sometimes the things we want in life
are not ready to be ours...
We lost the baby.
November 14 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
It isn't about me...
I've been thinking a lot these days about how amazing time is.
When I was younger, I would watch things pass by and think to myself, I'm never going to have that second back, or that exact moment back either. I was always fasinated by time... how it was always moving, never stopping, how we wished it away, wished for more of it, how we were constantly fighting it, and becoming impatient by it.
Time has always mended the broken heart, given relief after the pain, and been something we all wish would hurry up.
What I am learning is... I will never get this second back. I will never have this moment back either, so I need to enjoy it. I need to read the long stories, I need to finish the entire game of Shutes & ladders without thinking about the laundry, and I need to remember that changing into a 5th princess dress and needing help again with the velcro, really is the most important thing in someone's tiny world. I just need to slow down.
What am I in such a hurry for? Really? I need to stop watching the clock, waiting for time to speed up, because when I think about it, it already is. I'm almost 29. I've been married 8 1/2 years and I have 3 beautiful babies with a tiny alien baby growing already! Time is moving... am enjoying the ride or too busy with the unimportant? I know my answer. I need to be content with where I'm at. I need to accept where I am in my life. I need to appreicate how far I've come when I begin to criticize myself. I am okay right where I am. One day, I'll be wishing I had this back. Wishing, I had the smeared toothpaste and the crumbs overflowing from the car and the never ending laundry & dishes. I need to appriciate the slobbery kisses and the sticky hugs more. I need to bring the Play Doe out, even if I hate the mess, because it isn't about me. It's about 3 little kids who want to make green and pink snakes and use silly cookie cutters to make fun shapes, and roll the messy stuff into balls and make snowmen. It isn't about me. One day I will look back and ask myself, was it really worth it? Was the clean house worth the time you lost? Was it fair to anyone? And why did it matter so much anyway? Today, I will try to embrace it... because, I will never have this moment back.
When I was younger, I would watch things pass by and think to myself, I'm never going to have that second back, or that exact moment back either. I was always fasinated by time... how it was always moving, never stopping, how we wished it away, wished for more of it, how we were constantly fighting it, and becoming impatient by it.
Time has always mended the broken heart, given relief after the pain, and been something we all wish would hurry up.
What I am learning is... I will never get this second back. I will never have this moment back either, so I need to enjoy it. I need to read the long stories, I need to finish the entire game of Shutes & ladders without thinking about the laundry, and I need to remember that changing into a 5th princess dress and needing help again with the velcro, really is the most important thing in someone's tiny world. I just need to slow down.
What am I in such a hurry for? Really? I need to stop watching the clock, waiting for time to speed up, because when I think about it, it already is. I'm almost 29. I've been married 8 1/2 years and I have 3 beautiful babies with a tiny alien baby growing already! Time is moving... am enjoying the ride or too busy with the unimportant? I know my answer. I need to be content with where I'm at. I need to accept where I am in my life. I need to appreicate how far I've come when I begin to criticize myself. I am okay right where I am. One day, I'll be wishing I had this back. Wishing, I had the smeared toothpaste and the crumbs overflowing from the car and the never ending laundry & dishes. I need to appriciate the slobbery kisses and the sticky hugs more. I need to bring the Play Doe out, even if I hate the mess, because it isn't about me. It's about 3 little kids who want to make green and pink snakes and use silly cookie cutters to make fun shapes, and roll the messy stuff into balls and make snowmen. It isn't about me. One day I will look back and ask myself, was it really worth it? Was the clean house worth the time you lost? Was it fair to anyone? And why did it matter so much anyway? Today, I will try to embrace it... because, I will never have this moment back.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Dizzy, lightheaded, exhausted, achy & 2 lines later...
I think I win "the -most- fertile- woman -on- the- planet award!"
(Last month I had my IUD removed, and got pregnant 2 weeks later!!)
I knew I wasn't going crazy, and I also knew I couldn't imagine all my early pregnancy symptoms! I've been feeling so "off" lately, incredibly achy, super dizzy/ lightheaded/ in a fog, horribly tired and just the start of feeling yucky. Yesterday was the first day I thought I was going to throw up, but God granted me a little while longer until that awfulness begins...
We were trying last month, so we were hoping for this news, I'm just a little shocked because there is actually 2 lines on the test!
Yes it is early, but anyone reading this is family and/or friends so you were going to find out soon anyway! I know the dangers of telling people too early incase the dreaded "M" word happens, but I am horrible at keeping pregnancy secrets (as some of you probably won't see me for months due to voilent vomiting!) I figure, if anything goes wrong, as least I will have those close to me to help pull me up. If all goes well, we will have a July baby!
(Last month I had my IUD removed, and got pregnant 2 weeks later!!)
I knew I wasn't going crazy, and I also knew I couldn't imagine all my early pregnancy symptoms! I've been feeling so "off" lately, incredibly achy, super dizzy/ lightheaded/ in a fog, horribly tired and just the start of feeling yucky. Yesterday was the first day I thought I was going to throw up, but God granted me a little while longer until that awfulness begins...
We were trying last month, so we were hoping for this news, I'm just a little shocked because there is actually 2 lines on the test!
Yes it is early, but anyone reading this is family and/or friends so you were going to find out soon anyway! I know the dangers of telling people too early incase the dreaded "M" word happens, but I am horrible at keeping pregnancy secrets (as some of you probably won't see me for months due to voilent vomiting!) I figure, if anything goes wrong, as least I will have those close to me to help pull me up. If all goes well, we will have a July baby!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Here's an upclose...
A little frightening, I know, but she was out like a light and perched so nicely on top of the couch!
I love this girl!
Miss Daisy fast asleep...
The other weekend when I came home from the craft show, this is what I saw when I came in: Daisy fast asleep on top of the couch! this girl falls asleep EVERYWHERE!!! It was pretty cute...
Happy Halloween!
This year was really exciting for the kids, especially Grace! It is so fun when they actually figure out they are recieving candy!!! She was in Heaven as she went door to door (We did go to our wards trunk or treat, but then we had to stop and see G-ma Edith & G-pa Max) Grace was literally running to every door! It was the cutiest/funniest thing I've seen her do in a long time!So fun! Tristin was Buzz Lightyear, Daisy was a pink flamingo (which she told about 10 random strangers every time we went to run errands) and Grace was a bumble bee. It was a really fun night and so warm! It was a nice change from the previous years.
Buzz lightyear...
Tristin owns SO many costumes, so I told him I would not be buying a new one for Halloween this year (mean, I know.) So, he choose his Buzz Lightyear costume. The poor kid was actually sweating by the time the night was over (very rare, since we usually end trick or treating early because it is so cold) He had a great time!
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