I know life is all about waiting for the next thing to happen.
I know that we impatient and always wanting it now.
I also know pregnancy is a gift and blessing.
It's also crazy and insain and life altering.
I know that I need to slow it down and enjoy these last few months of just 4 kids- because I know 5 is going to be a little crazy. I wonder if it will break me, I'm worried it may push me over the edge. With each child everything has become increasingly harder. I've been stretched more directions imaginable and been exhausted beyond belief- but I never had a real break down when any of them arrived. It was kind of like: "ok, throw another one in the mix, what's the difference, 2, 3, 4- it's all the same."
And part of that has been true...
I've always struggled with depression and the crazy postpartum stuff has never been a joy to endure- the crying curled in the shower, the bawling sessions over socks turned inside out, the dark places your mind takes you or the sad realization that you still look 5 months pregnants and you can't do anything about it for awhile.
I guess I have moments where I wonder if I will be able to do it all- and to overcompensate, I feel I have to do even more now- just incase I can't. Just incase, I have to prove to myself that when things are ok, I can still do 50,000 things- and that's huge for me. I don't know why I keep having to prove to myself all the time what I am capable of- but I do. I know there is something broken in my brain- because everyday there is an internal dialogue with myself, that never let's up. It never stops pushing and it never stops expecting miracles. I don't know why I won't let myself just slow down, there is always compatition within myself and it's so exhausting. I have to maintain a balance where I can still feel like I've accomplished what I feel is a reasonable amount of "things" in a day.
I know that newborns slow you down- big time. That's why nursing has always been very difficult for me. I've had to stop the motion, the craziness and just sit. I'm not very good at just sitting. I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes and just relax. Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, the things we think of...
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Weird kids...
Last night the kids were wired after they came back from swim lessons. I was tired and grumpy and they were not listening very. I told them to get their PJ's on a few times and I was getting impatient.
Trav and I were on the couch trying to talk for the 30 seconds we have during "awake hours"- when they came giggling like crazy out of their rooms. They jumped in front of us wearing their jammies on top of their heads and burst out laughing. They danced around like wild animals and thought they were the funniest things around.
I just shook my head and laughed at the goof balls in front of me. Who's kids were they anyway??? I snapped a few pictures and told them to all get in bed before I spanked their little hinnies. They ran off laughing all the way... and then Willow came out to prove she was just as hiliarious.
Measuring 26 weeks!
There's nothing better than having your Dr. tell you that you are measuring ahead of schedule! Possibly an earlier arrivial by a week? We shall see! (but not too early of course, we want a healthy baby)
I went in today and everything looked and sounded great! I had my normal higher blood pressure, but nothing abnormal for me. His heart rate was great, and I don't even check the scale- I haven't for a few years now. (I already know things are not where they should be- I don't need numbers confirming it!)
I go in in 3 weeks for the beloved glucose test and normal visit. I know the drink isn't great, but it isn't as bad as everyone says it is. I let Grace pick my flavor and she choose Lemon Lime! After that visit I go in every 2 weeks. I love that the last trimester is aproaching in a bit- it makes it feel a little more real when you start counting down the weeks and not the months.
There is still plenty of time though- trust me, I know. I just have to get excited about something and what better than the glucose test and 2 week visits to get a girl psyched!
I went in today and everything looked and sounded great! I had my normal higher blood pressure, but nothing abnormal for me. His heart rate was great, and I don't even check the scale- I haven't for a few years now. (I already know things are not where they should be- I don't need numbers confirming it!)
I go in in 3 weeks for the beloved glucose test and normal visit. I know the drink isn't great, but it isn't as bad as everyone says it is. I let Grace pick my flavor and she choose Lemon Lime! After that visit I go in every 2 weeks. I love that the last trimester is aproaching in a bit- it makes it feel a little more real when you start counting down the weeks and not the months.
There is still plenty of time though- trust me, I know. I just have to get excited about something and what better than the glucose test and 2 week visits to get a girl psyched!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Happiness...
My 5:00 AM internet surfing often brings many beautiful treats my way. I found theis key lime pie reciepe yesterday and hurried to gather all the ingredients. So good. And so easy.
If you know me, you know I hate to cook and bake- but I'm trying. no better thing to try than a delightful pie that makes all your sadness disappear.
Here's what you need:
1/4 cup boiling water
1 3 oz. box lime jello
2 containers of 6 oz key lime yogurt
2 8 oz. thawed containers of cool whip
2 tsp lime juice ( I used a TON more. It was NOT enough. I just added to taste until a slight tartness was there.)
1 premade graham crust
Lime peel for top (did not have a fresh lime)
*** Boil water. Add jello box and stir. Let jello cool on counter. Add yougurt, stir in cool whip, add lime juice and stir. Pour into crust and chill. Add cool whip and peel to top if desired!
Enjoy and thank me later!
If you know me, you know I hate to cook and bake- but I'm trying. no better thing to try than a delightful pie that makes all your sadness disappear.
Here's what you need:
1/4 cup boiling water
1 3 oz. box lime jello
2 containers of 6 oz key lime yogurt
2 8 oz. thawed containers of cool whip
2 tsp lime juice ( I used a TON more. It was NOT enough. I just added to taste until a slight tartness was there.)
1 premade graham crust
Lime peel for top (did not have a fresh lime)
*** Boil water. Add jello box and stir. Let jello cool on counter. Add yougurt, stir in cool whip, add lime juice and stir. Pour into crust and chill. Add cool whip and peel to top if desired!
Enjoy and thank me later!
God cares about our pregnancy cravings...
Ok, don't judge me too harshly, but I love Pop Tarts, especially Raspberry flavored, but I hardly ever buy them. (The last time was approx 2 years ago when they had that massive sale at Albertson's and I tottally loaded up. Well, we ran out a long time ago and I never bought any more, except on Valentine's day)
Well, for some unknown reason, this baby has been wanting Pop tarts like nobody's business and I've been neglecting his food choices for a long time.
Angie and I were doing doublers the other night and I put 3 small boxes in my cart. I had a $ 1.00 off coupon, but they were still going to be about $ 4.00. I carried them around awhile and just decided not to get them so I took them out of the cart and didn't buy them.
This morning when I made my Wed morning Albertson's run- one of my favorite checkers asked if I wanted any Pop Tarts and pointed to the cart a few feet away. I stopped. What? Pop Tarts? Where? I said, "Of course! How much are they?" She said, " for you, .25 a box- they expire tomorrow."
I said, " Oh Hillary, I love you! I've been craving these things like mad! Thank you!!! Thank you. Thank you.
She wanted 4 boxes, another lady bought 2 and I came home with 23 boxes. I used 4 $ 1.00 off coupons and paid $ 1.75 for all of them! Thank you Lord for blessing my wonderful cravings. ( I secretely think the Lord was tired of hearing my whinning and complaining!)
Well, for some unknown reason, this baby has been wanting Pop tarts like nobody's business and I've been neglecting his food choices for a long time.
Angie and I were doing doublers the other night and I put 3 small boxes in my cart. I had a $ 1.00 off coupon, but they were still going to be about $ 4.00. I carried them around awhile and just decided not to get them so I took them out of the cart and didn't buy them.
This morning when I made my Wed morning Albertson's run- one of my favorite checkers asked if I wanted any Pop Tarts and pointed to the cart a few feet away. I stopped. What? Pop Tarts? Where? I said, "Of course! How much are they?" She said, " for you, .25 a box- they expire tomorrow."
I said, " Oh Hillary, I love you! I've been craving these things like mad! Thank you!!! Thank you. Thank you.
She wanted 4 boxes, another lady bought 2 and I came home with 23 boxes. I used 4 $ 1.00 off coupons and paid $ 1.75 for all of them! Thank you Lord for blessing my wonderful cravings. ( I secretely think the Lord was tired of hearing my whinning and complaining!)
Dying Easter eggs...
For DAYS Grace has begged me to dye Easter eggs, and everyday I have turned her down telling her it was too early. Finally today I couldn't handle it anymore and caved in. She just looked bored and i felt guilty for doing "Mom" things all day and not playing.I had 4 sets of the dye tablets and tons of eggs, so why not I thought.
After Willow went down for her nap- Grace had a blast doing her eggs- FINALLY.
(My wanting an egg salad sandwich for lunch had nothing to do with this decision either. wink.wink.)
After Willow went down for her nap- Grace had a blast doing her eggs- FINALLY.
(My wanting an egg salad sandwich for lunch had nothing to do with this decision either. wink.wink.)
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
What I am thankful for today...
I've been busy this morning working on laundry, getting garbabges out, mowing the lawn, getting Easter stuff out, cleaning, organizing closets and keeping the girls entertained. I stopped for a moment and looked around at my little life and thanked my Heavenly Father for all that was around me. Although we are not rich, and and have a lot of debt, we have everything we could every dream or hope for. I am simply in awe of the blessings around me each and every day. I cannot imagine living in another country, I love America and my heart is full of gratitude today. Here are a few simple things in my life that I am thankful for:
*Garbage day. I LOVE tuesday mornings when they come and take all my trash and recycling away! It feels SOOOO good to have it gone.
* My MIL's apple crisp. Yeah, I ate a bowl full for lunch! (The baby made me do it!)
* My husband's job. Thank you Lord even if it's SUPER early in the morning!
* Clorox wipes. It really makes cleaning toilets a blast.
* My microwave. My freezers. & My fridge.
* My shower/bath tub. Soap. Razors (Ha! What are those?!)
* A toddler in panties!
* My washer and dryer. I would be lost without them.
* Ranch dressing. It makes all the salads I'm eating seem super healthy!
* A healthy baby boy growing & kicking like crazy inside my HUGE tummy!
* My vacuumes. I would stop breathing without them. I love my back up one too, it's saved me this past week!
* Clean laundry that sits in my room waiting to be folded.
*Chocolate and sour gummy worms.
* My bed & pillow.
* Chapstick.
*Messes around the house. It proves my kids have fun once in awhile!
*Garbage day. I LOVE tuesday mornings when they come and take all my trash and recycling away! It feels SOOOO good to have it gone.
* My MIL's apple crisp. Yeah, I ate a bowl full for lunch! (The baby made me do it!)
* My husband's job. Thank you Lord even if it's SUPER early in the morning!
* Clorox wipes. It really makes cleaning toilets a blast.
* My microwave. My freezers. & My fridge.
* My shower/bath tub. Soap. Razors (Ha! What are those?!)
* A toddler in panties!
* My washer and dryer. I would be lost without them.
* Ranch dressing. It makes all the salads I'm eating seem super healthy!
* A healthy baby boy growing & kicking like crazy inside my HUGE tummy!
* My vacuumes. I would stop breathing without them. I love my back up one too, it's saved me this past week!
* Clean laundry that sits in my room waiting to be folded.
*Chocolate and sour gummy worms.
* My bed & pillow.
* Chapstick.
*Messes around the house. It proves my kids have fun once in awhile!
Easter traditions...
# 1- the bunny cake.
Yesterday I bought everything needed for our glorious cake. I think Angie and I will get the kids together again this year to make them!
# 2- Easter in eggs. We made this for a Primary activity YEARS ago when we lived in Boise. I absoultly love this and the kids do too. It's fun to do bunny stuff- but this really teaches them that Easter is about Jesus. I tried to take upclose pictures incase anyone wants to double click on the photo (to enlarge it) and copy the story down for your own family!
Yesterday I bought everything needed for our glorious cake. I think Angie and I will get the kids together again this year to make them!
# 2- Easter in eggs. We made this for a Primary activity YEARS ago when we lived in Boise. I absoultly love this and the kids do too. It's fun to do bunny stuff- but this really teaches them that Easter is about Jesus. I tried to take upclose pictures incase anyone wants to double click on the photo (to enlarge it) and copy the story down for your own family!
Back to school...
Spring Break is offically over, and I win the most boring mother award. The only exciting things the kids did were: sleep in, go to the park, the library and eat pizza.
There were hardly any craft projects, we ran errands, we helped a friend move half the week, and we cleaned and organized. How cool is that?
They did have fun helping Lisa move though. (Our neighbor) They got to help Liam pack, ride in G-ma & G-pa's truck, play at their new house, play with their pets, and climb the huge tree in their back yard.
We also had General Confrence this weekend, which was wonderful (what I was able to watch/listen too. What I loved from it was:
***Bumper sticker: "don't judge me because I sin diffrently than you do" _ (the whole talk on judging was great).
*** Don't judge others. If you do, stop it.
*** Forgive yurself & don't be too hard on yourself.
*** Don't gossip, even if it's true.
*** If you see someone drowning- don't ask if they need help- jump in!
*** Faith. Family. Relief.
It was nice to have the kids home for a week & a half, but now with them gone, we need to get back on our schedule. Poor grace and Willow will be bored without the big kids to play with for hours. Only 8 more weeks until school is out though! Crazy.
There were hardly any craft projects, we ran errands, we helped a friend move half the week, and we cleaned and organized. How cool is that?
They did have fun helping Lisa move though. (Our neighbor) They got to help Liam pack, ride in G-ma & G-pa's truck, play at their new house, play with their pets, and climb the huge tree in their back yard.
We also had General Confrence this weekend, which was wonderful (what I was able to watch/listen too. What I loved from it was:
***Bumper sticker: "don't judge me because I sin diffrently than you do" _ (the whole talk on judging was great).
*** Don't judge others. If you do, stop it.
*** Forgive yurself & don't be too hard on yourself.
*** Don't gossip, even if it's true.
*** If you see someone drowning- don't ask if they need help- jump in!
*** Faith. Family. Relief.
It was nice to have the kids home for a week & a half, but now with them gone, we need to get back on our schedule. Poor grace and Willow will be bored without the big kids to play with for hours. Only 8 more weeks until school is out though! Crazy.
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