Saying goodbye this morning...

Here we are saying goodbye after a fun visit with G-pa & Aunt Helene...

G-pa & Aunt Helene come for a visit!

I was so happy when dad told me he and my Aunt Helene were coming for a quick visit. They arrived yesterday at 3:00 PM- we had pizza for dinner, had a treasure hunt, made a fire & relaxed, talked, took pictures and then said goodbye this morning at 9:30 AM. I am so glad they were able to make it out 1 more time this year. Thanks for everything!

G-pa & the treasure hunt...

I was talking to my Dad a few nights before he came to visit, and he said he was making treasure maps for the kids and was going to hide treasure in the back yard for them to find. My heart melted as I invisioned my Father drawing 3 treasure maps and placing treats in plastic bags, smiling as he did it. The kids had a great time trying to find their treats. Daisy found hers under the picnic table, Tristin's was hidden in a cinder block between the sheds and Grace found her's in the bottom of a tree. They each recieved a 5.00 bill & candy! It was pretty cute to watch their faces light up as the located their lost treasure.
I think a lot of my healing has come as I have watched my Dad interact with my children. I ached for my father growing up and we missed out on so many years, but it makes me heart smile every time we are together because we have a great relationship now. He comes to visit a few times a year and he rides his bike out often to give me a ride (although I don't think I'll be taking any more motorcycle rides at 7 months pregnant! That was a bumpy memory, but thanks Dad!)
I've learned that I cannot change what happened in the past, and that all those years I missed him, just made me a little more grateful for what we have today. It means the world to me when he drives hundreds of miles to see us and then has to leave the next day to return home, just to drive a few more hundred miles. It proves that I was worth the effort, I meant something, and that's all I've wanted my entire life. Just to know I was loved and valued...Thank you Papa for everything. I love you and I am so thankful to have you in my life.

Willow...

Here's a few more...

Willow is 6 weeks old!

My Little Miss Muffet is 6 weeks old today and doing great! She loves to sleep, watch episodes of "The Office" with her Mom & Dad, go shopping for deals, get wildly drunk off her Mommy's milk, be held by her sisters & brother, sleep some more & look pretty darn cute doing it all. We love her to pieces. My favorite moments are holding her tiny little hands and kissing her adorable little neck. It's amazing how much I can love another tiny person, and how wonderful it is that I get to wake up every day and do it all over again. I adore my babies...

My babies...

As I was leaving this morning at 6:20 to make an early Albertson's run, I couldn't help but take a picture of my sleeping beauties. They looked so adorable.

Integrity, people!

You know when you want something really bad and the thought of it just doesn't leave you alone? You know how you think about it all day, fighting in your mind that you really don't need it, but that it would just be fun to have? You know when you finally commit to buy it and you feel all warm inside and can't wait to hold it in your hands? And then you drag your 4 kids with you because you are actually salivating over it? And then you wait 30 minutes in the parking lot with kids going wild in the car until it's baked and then drag everyone inside just to wait longer for it and you are questioning yourself if it was worth it? But you remind yourself how wonderful it will taste and how calories are over rated to begin with. And then you pay for it, herd your children back out the door of the germ infested place, open the box just to take in the aroma- to find this staring back at you!
Really? I just wasted 45 minutes of my life for this? I was so mad last night as I drove away with my burnt pizza. I just shook my head in disappointment, looked at the kids and then wondered if it was worth dragging them all back inside, just to wait forever in line again, to be told it would take another 40 minutes to bake another one, and then wait for it while I cringed as I watched the kids playing with the greesy video games to kill the time? No. I decided it wasn't worth it, so I went home and showed Trav. " Ohmigosh" he said disgustedly. So I called and explained the situation and they offered us another pizza for free- which of course would take another 40 minutes, and naturally, we would have to go pick it up-again! I thought it was kind of funny because someone looked at that pizza, sliced it into 8 pieces, thought it was okay, closed the lid and then slapped my name on it for me to pick up. Where's the integrity, people? (it looked a lot worse in person! I think the flash gave it a nice cheesy glow because it didn't look that great, believe me!)

Willow is 5 weeks old!

I am still amazed at fast they grow and how quickly time flies. Here is little miss muffet, all 9 pounds of her at 5 weeks old.

Halloween...

These were the only 2 pictures I could get before my camera died- have I mentioned how much I hate that thing? My camera? yes, I will splurge a get a new one soon...
Here are my babies: the vampire, the baby leopard, the princess and the pink flamingo!

I never knew...

I never knew what it felt like to have my heart crumble into a million pieces until I left for college and watched my Mom drive away on the slippery ice.
I never knew how her words, "Emmy, I just want you to be happy" would change and alter my my life so dramatically.
I never knew how lonely I would be until I didn't have her by my side each and every day.
I never knew how impossible it was going to be without her until I got married and never lived with her again.
I never realized how just her voice could calm me, until that's all I had left to cling to.
I never understood how much she had changed my life until I became a Mother myself.
I never realized what she sacraficed for me, until my own children were born.
I never knew your heart could actually ache so much it felt like it had crawled into your throat making it difficult to breath.
I never knew how much I depended on her until 3 days would pass without a phone call and I would begin to panic.
I never knew how impossible it was going to be to let her go, until I had to...

... I'm glad it hurts this much every time we say goodbye.
I love you Mama.